Lokuttara

Why have I chosen to do the things I’ve done?  I’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy a relatively healthy and comfortable life, so I suppose that the choices I’ve made have been relatively good.  But recently I’ve begun to examine what’s prompted me to make many of those choices.  Some of the conclusions that I’ve reached have been quite surprising.

I grew up outside of a small farming community that served as a ski center during the winter months.  My family worked hard to succeed at farming and to build some financial security.  It’s taken me the better part of my life to reach an understanding of what I learned from that need for security.  The positive side is that I’ve always been able to take care of myself and satisfy many of my needs.  The negative side is that while I’ve been searching for security, I’ve had to come to terms with the insecurity that is motivating my search.

I’ve found insecurity to be a rather interesting and unpleasant companion.  It’s never simple to put my finger on the immediate cause of my current insecurity, but I can certainly recognize how it is tightly bound to fear.  I can clearly see the external circumstances that are serving as the trigger for my insecurity, but I can’t really get a handle on why I react to those circumstances in the way I do.  Perhaps it would be best to describe it as just one of the manifestations of fear that I experience in my life.

So what is this thing we call fear?

Benjamin